The 40, Black, and Dads show
Join Aaron Covington (writer: Creed, Grand Crew) and Tony Wragg (Finance, Marketing) on our fatherhood journey. We hope to post weekly but babies are unpredictable. We offer our unique insight into raising children, the role of a dad and partner, and anecdotes from our experiences. We'll also invite other Dads to share their experiences, because being a Dad is tough and we need all the support we can get.
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The 40, Black, and Dads show
How do we define our parenting styles, kids hear everything, social media and no to spanking
We attempt to redefine different parenting types while identifying our experiences. What types of parents did we have and do we hope to be?
01:18 guttaral sound and a bbirthdya party
07:17 the main parenting styles
11:12 try to be like your parents or be the exact opposite
17:33 remaning the parenting styles
20:15 kids overhear everyting
22:15 Kids need to know so much more
23:30 Social Media challenges
27:48 what was up with spanking for real?
https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/parenting-styles-explained/
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40 black and dad podcast. We're talking parenting styles. What kind of parent are you? What kind of parent do you want to be? And milestones of the week. I'm Aaron Covington. And I'm Tony Ragg. And this is
Tony:40 black and
Cov:dad. Tony, what's up, man? Welcome back. Welcome back.
Tony:Thank you. Thank you. How are you doing?
Cov:We're doing good. We're doing good. This week, I just want to jump right in. Cause we've had a, we've had an interesting week. We're into a kind of guttural yelling phase. Okay. Yeah, it's very, it's very metal. It's very metal. Like heavy metal that she'll just be playing and, and, and scream and it has that like guttural, like from the back of the throat kind of sound to it. And then she'll look at us and just, Be smiling. So it's like, she's exploring sounds in a very very specific way right now. And we're like, don't want to tell her no in a sense of like, that it's bad, but it sounds bad to the human ear. It's, it's a painful sound.
Tony:It sounds worse than it is.
Cov:It literally sounds worse, you know, like the sound is just imagine a heavy metal band, like the lead singer just following you and going, And their most like intense yell that they can do. And then just laughing about it. Like, wasn't that cool. And you're like, good job, buddy. That was real cool. Yeah. Just don't do it again.
Tony:That's funny. Yeah. You're, you're definitely in that stage where you're going to be having a lot of different new, new things that they're playing with and they're learning voices, tactile, so yeah, it's, it's gonna be a fun time and you're going to learn a lot and they're going to learn a lot too. So,
Cov:yeah. So, so what's going on with you guys this week?
Tony:Yeah, so so Legend went to a birthday party for the first time for a another friend who turned three. So he's a few, few months older than Legend. And it was cool. It's, it's a boy. So, you know, he's they're learning like rough play or not learning, but they're into the rough play now. So like,
Cov:Oh, wait, so that's, that's great. So this is a friend who lives relatively close.
Tony:Yeah, we went to the park right around the corner. And it's
Cov:about the same age.
Tony:Yeah well, so his birthday just passed and legends where there's about two months about a couple months.
Cov:So that's a great for like development like we're developing alongside each other in a way.
Tony:Yeah, exactly. So it was, it was cool. But it's funny because you see, you see like how like kids play, especially as they get older. And like, it was, it was Very much kind of the rough housing, like they are chasing after the ball and like running and pushing each other and, and, you know, my wife was like, Oh my God, it's so like, it's so rough and tumble. And I'm like, okay, that's interesting.
Cov:Like, how are the moms? How were the moms overall? Like, were all the moms kind of pins and needles watching this?
Tony:I can't speak to everyone, but I know the mom of the boy whose party was like, they know that their son can be rough sometimes. And we know legend can be rough sometimes. So I think that's probably why they, they matched so well together. Some of the other kids were actually a little bit older. Our kids were kind of like pushing and shoving with them too. So it was just kind of funny to see how it was like all boys really. So it was a group of boys between the ages of two and like five and they had, they were playing hockey and baseball and how
Cov:did the older boys reacted with a, Did they kind of understand they were older? Or were they roughhousing back?
Tony:They were pushing back. Like, I mean, it was very funny because, yeah, they pushed back. Like, they were playing hockey at one point, and they were, like, checking each other, like, body checks. And it was just like, oh, this is how we play. And I'm like, that is, that's pretty normal. And, you know, my wife was a little bit taken aback, you know, at one point. I'm like, yeah, I mean, that's kind of, you know, Normal, how they play. I know when I was growing up, like me and my friends, we bustled and punched and scratched and all that kind of stuff. So it was very much a normal type of
Cov:I do wonder about that. Cause I was, I was always a bigger kid. And at some point, and I don't know exactly when, you know, definitely not at three years old. I don't have a memory that good, but I became aware of how much bigger I was in like my friends. And we did not. Do a lot of wrestling and rough housing from like, maybe my memory, I could go back to maybe first or second grade on, you know, that was just too big and I didn't have any big friends, you know? So it'd be interesting if that, so that's why I was asking if there was any acknowledgement from the kids, if they could understand that, Oh, I'm bigger than you, I'm older than you. And if that played any part in it, but maybe they're just too young to really have that awareness.
Tony:I think they're still in that. Age of like they're still getting like they don't really understand necessarily that they're playing rough or like that's just what they do like Oh, they say a ball. They they all dove for the ball and they they ran over They rolled over each other and they got out, you know, they might have pushed each other got No sticks in their hair and they just kept moving. So at this point, I think it's still new, but as they get older, you know, we have to teach them like, you know, you can't hit, you have to be like this. I'm in place for that type of stuff. And we'll worry about that.
Cov:We'll worry about that when it comes, but he had a good time.
Tony:Oh, he had a great time. He loved it. He played with bubbles. We played spike ball. We played basketball. I mean, it was everything there and he got to eat pizza. So it was nice.
Cov:Well, let's look at these. We talk about parenting styles a little bit and Oh, you said pizza, pizza. And what else?
Tony:Oh, pizza, just pizza and cake. Ice cream? No ice cream, it was outdoors, so it would have melted. Man, what kind of parents?
Cov:Boo.
Tony:No ice cream. But the cupcakes and cake were good, so no complaints.
Cov:No milk though, it's too hot for milk outside. Yeah, no. Yeah, you gotta wash it down with some ice, cold water. Water, yep.
Tony:We had some like the energy, not energy drinks, but like the Gatorade type drinks, body armor. Yeah. Yeah. But we had some, yeah, good electrolyte drinks to rush it all down
Cov:the same sugar content. Pretty much soda. Yeah. Well, so they got high, get high. Well, yeah.
Tony:Most of the
Cov:adrenaline high and then the power aid high and then the sugar high, just from the sweet. So it was, yeah. And then the sugar high,
Tony:he slept really well last night. Like he got home, like we got home at like seven ish or so. And he was in bed at about eight 30 and he was out. So he's a really good,
Cov:you cannot beat that. Not at all. Definitely. In terms of parenting styles, we talked about it before. And we actually had a couple of articles. And we'll talk about our parenting styles, but just in broad strokes, A number of articles mentioned like four distinct parenting styles. And when I read them, I'm like, Oh, I feel like these are more personality types, more than a style. Cause it talks about authoritarian, which is my way or the highway, basically authoritative, which is, that's the one they'd say. That's a good parenting style where you set some boundaries, but also you let them explore a little bit. And you kind of talk out why you have these rules. You're very like open and communicate, communicative. Then there's a neglectful or uninvolved parenting. And that's just like, you're just, you're just a jerk
Both:or
Cov:you didn't want kids. Or you're so scared of your influence on the kid or that you might hurt the kid that you just don't do anything and you kind of let them run, you know, run things in a way. And permissive, which is similar to neglectful, but permissive is you're involved, but you're really just reactive. Like, what do they want? What are they doing? And you don't set any, any boundaries. So those main four things, it's like, well, trying to be authoritative, authoritative. Trying to set some rules, but also not crush a child's young spirit. Like I was saying before about the screaming. I don't want her to think she can't scream or that's bad. Or even at almost five months old, if we're not even a place where good and bad are things yet, right? Like, even if we said no, or gave consequences to this, it wouldn't really have an effect yet. She doesn't understand that level of complexity, regardless. We don't want there to be a negative association with her vocalizing.
Both:Yeah.
Cov:So it's like, okay, we just have to kind of grin and bear it. Or, you know, if it's nighttime, we're like, try to build on our nighttime ritual to like, it's time to go to sleep, not time to scream without, without discouraging the activity, you know?
Tony:Yeah. And it's, it's, it's crazy. Cause not talking about all those articles we've read and those four different styles. And if you look at it, like before probably. Our generation, most of the parenting was probably the authoritarian where it's like, do as I say, not as they do. And I, I'm sure everybody, you know, of 40 remembers their parents at one point saying something similar to that in most cases. And. I think it was just something you heard growing up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, again, by no means was it a bad, you know, it was my childhood bad or my parents super strict, but you heard that sometimes like, oh, do I say not necessarily as I do? Or like, it's because because I said, so is was I was a really big one. When it came to kind of, you know, The why questions or the kind of learning like what's the reason behind the why you're saying this and did you feel like that was like the
Cov:tenor in the house and in the sense of. That your parents were really strict, or that was just more?
Tony:I, I, when we were younger, probably I, I think there was, you know, more of just, you know, listen to what we're saying, and then, you know, there's not many, there's not really a lot of room for questioning the, Right. The reason why and that definitely comes from the previous generation before my parents, you know, very much military, you know, military kids and most people's parents are, you know, father was probably in the military or military Jason, you know, in the, the baby boomers era before that. So I'm sure that's what it was. Some of these newer styles have come. From just people trying to do the exact opposite. You know, we talked before about like, like your parents did, or you want to do the exact opposite. So you, you have different kind of subcultures or sub sub areas for styles of parenting when it comes to like authoritative and permissive, I think permissive is the one that's like, okay, well, we'll just kind of let you do what you want. Just make sure you're not hurt. Like, you know, you can kind of make the rules and rules. Thanks. We'll make sure there's nothing too bad, but it's kind of let the child lead. And I, I had mentioned before I met you earlier, kind of off the air, but I watched a show called parent test and they literally trying to figure out what is the best type of parenting and they had different subtopics. They had like intensive parenting, high achievement, parenting. Discipline parenting, free range parenting, natural parenting, helicopter parents, child led routine, the negotiation side, and then like traditional and restricted new age. So they had more sub groups, but they were still, they still kind of fit under those four categories of, you know, the four, and then there was different ones. So I think parenting is very much kind of. splintered into different areas. Like, what does the parent feel comfortable doing and not doing? And how do you relay that to your child in a way that is both ready, but also, you know, giving them the opportunity to have some feedback into it.
Cov:Right. Cause parenting styles is already, it's kind of a confusing thing to me because what what. What does it mean? What does it really mean your parenting style and how do you divorce that from your own personality? These things are, these things are intertwined. And if you're a really disciplined person, you'll probably be a more disciplined parent or maybe, you know, your discipline will keep you from some interaction with your kid at times. I, I don't know how, how it works with the one to one is, but chances are who you are as part of your parenting style. And it does seem like parents need to. If you're going to have parenting styles and like a TV show and articles about them, the more we're aware of the different styles, the more we can be flexible within the different styles as a situation calls for, right. A hundred percent.
Tony:And it also changes over time. I think. It's like in the beginning, I think naturally you're going to be more of a great
Cov:point. Has yours changed in these three years? Do you feel like, yeah,
Tony:I think it's changed because also like in the beginning, when the kid is not talking or doing anything, like you're just like, don't do that. And they're, I mean, they're not back. Why? Like you're just saying, don't do that. And you don't, you expect them not to do it. And then at, you know, age two, and they make why, so there's the opportunity you can get back. Cause I said, so, or explain why. And I think there, when they start to actually understand when you're telling them no on something and their responses, why that's kind of where the, the paths start to deviate because you can back, cause I said, so, or you can back, well, because you're going to hurt yourself. And here's why. And I think that's where a lot of the deviation starts to land is when they can actually understand. So I think everybody starts off kind of with an authoritarian, authoritarian type of, of, of rule. Because, I mean, you tell one to stop that, they're not going to say anything. They're just going to stop it and you expect them to stop.
Cov:But, but I feel like even then, there's such a similarity. And I wonder if that's a style change or just an adjustment to their, you know, their, their increased capacity. Their increased capacity. complexity, right? I do think those are kind of different things. I think your style can be the same, even though you're explaining more later. So I guess what I'm wondering is, like, do you feel like there's actually a difference in your approach to things that you could, that you can feel, right? Something like, if he does something that's getting on your nerves, is your internal reaction like? And not necessarily what you say or do to him, but that feeling internally, is that the same as it was a year and a half ago?
Tony:I think so. Like I, I feel like for me, I've always been the, I, I want to explain to you why you should not do things like it's hot. Don't do that. You might have to touch hot at one point to understand it and that's the only way you can learn. So I feel like for me, it's a lot of, you know, it's trial and error. You have to learn through experiences. And I think that's one way that kids can learn and understand better than just be saying, don't do it because I said so. Because what they find in states is if that very authoritarian rule is had, the second they're outside of that, they might not know better. They might not have structure to be like, understand like the boundaries of the world. Like, they might not understand So what would you call, what would you call this
Cov:style of like Explaining it, you know
Tony:I would probably say it's more based on the four distinct ones. I'd probably say it's more authoritative, authoritarian, or, well,
Cov:if you had to give it your own name, I think it's more interesting because I don't, I don't really like the name that they give. I didn't like it either. I'm
Tony:not going to lie. I don't like, even,
Cov:even the subtopics like helicopter parenting, everything kind of has a negative connotation. Yeah. Attachment parenting, tiger parenting. You said some other ones. They kind of all have negative connotations. So it's like, and even the way you explain this can be different. And even the way you let them figure it out. I think those are even different. Where it's like what's it called? It's almost like exploratory parenting. If you let them explore and kind of find out for themselves. And then there's kind of like a teaching parenting. Where you're like, but then there's also a pre teaching where you're like, okay. Okay. We're in the kitchen, I'm showing you these things, and I do that repeatedly so that you learn, but then there's also a reactionary teaching, which is like, I'm in the kitchen doing things, and as you touch things, as you show an interest to things, I'm explaining to you what they are. As you get closer to fire, then I'm like, no, rather than turning the fire on. I'm bringing you, you know, I mean, like kind of close to it. So you can see that it's dangerous. Like, I just even feel like those are two different. That's true.
Tony:Yeah. And I feel like I, I definitely be more of the teaching style and it's, it's some things are preemptive, other things are reactionary, like for instance, yeah, I feel like
Cov:you have that energy that like, let me, let me explain this to you, let me get down and like, man, you understand it, I feel like I'm more of like a work it out pair. Like I'm going to be right here. I'm gonna be right here. My hands got big hands. I'll catch you. But what are you going to do? Right. She's going to look at me like, what should I do? And I'm going to be like, I don't know. What are you going to do?
Tony:What you feeling in your heart right now? I feel in your heart. Yeah, I mean like the biggest one that people talk about, you know, the heat or hot fire, like We he got close to the heat. He felt that was warm. I was like, yeah, get back That's hot like don't touch that and he learned that quick like that was a one time thing He got too close to the fire and he's like, oh, yeah I'm good on that one and he knows what things are hot in the house So there are things that like that are reactionary like I didn't like Actually put them to the fire back. Don't touch this in the future, but like, there are certain things that I think kids just naturally in environments that are safe will pick up on. And one thing that me and my wife have been talking about lately is like my son now, you know, like two and a half, almost three years old. He. He remembers the last that me and my wife talk about when he's in the room, like I'm talking to him. Sure. Sure. Pick up and he'll remember things and he'll bring it back. Like, wait, where'd you learn that from? I was like, Oh, we were just talking about that. And like, and don't use that either to his advantage or just kind of speak, speak about it. So it's like, Those are some ways he's learning as well. It's just like hearing us talk about certain situations and topics. And he can assimilate that with the next time it comes up. And Michael, that's pretty impressive. But I'm sure that's how a lot of, you know, they call them kids sponges. Like that's how they soaking up a lot of the information. So it's, it's, has he brought up anything
Cov:that was like just more interesting than other things that he overheard, you know
Tony:mean, he's overheard us having conversations about like, you know, safety and like trip and travel and he'll, and he'll like.
Cov:Like, he comes in
Tony:the
Cov:room like
Tony:LeBron James is the goat. You're like,
Both:Jordan, look at Jordan.
Tony:Like, God, this is
Both:Jordan.
Tony:And, and like even like upstairs we have the basketball game on. So like he, you know, he's upstairs right now. I was up there and I came down here and he is like, Danny, where you going? I said, I'm going downstairs to do the podcast. He's like, talk about me. I said, I told him earlier, you know, I do a podcast. That's funny. Yeah. And then like, and, and we were talking about basketball and sports and like, so like he, it, it's very much like he's. like, we're, and he's learning. From being part of the conversation versus us, like. See him down to teach him things, which I think is kind of cool. So I think it is kind of that, that natural teaching style that we're doing. But again, it, I mean, he's only two, it could change, like when it becomes a teenager and by yo, you can't, you can't leave this house because we said like, so I. I mean, that doesn't fly with teenagers. I haven't flown with teenagers since, like, the 70s. So it's like, I feel like there's a certain flexibility to it, yeah. That's when they start. Go ahead.
Cov:That's when they just start sneaking out. Like, because you said so. Oh yeah, I'm out. I'm taking the car. I said the window's open and
Both:Exactly. You can't keep locked down. Locked down,
Cov:down. Yeah. Can't keep you locked down. I do think parenting styles that's become more apparent, apparent when you're As they get older, once you go through elementary school and they really start having crises. Yeah. And they think they know some things and then you're like, you know, how, how do you explain it? You know, I, I think growing up there was a lot of like, find out for yourself.
Both:Yeah.
Cov:In a way where it's like, there's a lot of things, I know my parents didn't tell me. Some things they didn't think to tell me, some things they didn't know you realize later. Cause the world had changed so much from when they grew up to the world we grew up in. And I wear that like that again, and I think a lot of millennials are like, I know I'm like, okay, my kid has to know so many things before, you know, for me to feel comfortable. At any, at any different age and things from like, okay, there's tying your shoe at four years old or whatever. Then there's like things like curse words, like, what can you say? When can you say, but then there are things like taxes. Things like buying an apartment, what you need to know to really do that. And have a good credit score, credit scores. And, and, and there's like how to fix a flat. And then there's also how to get a flat repaired. I think those are two different skills. You know, that yet I have to think about. How to convey those lessons. And I think the parenting style is very, very interesting. Like old TV show. I remember on old, you know, that old comedian show that we won't talk about, but he did an episode where he turned the house into like a little city, so they gave the kids some money, the oldest kid, and he had to like rent an apartment, which was renting his room and they would like teaching a lesson on economics.
Tony:Okay.
Cov:So that's like a parenting style to like, make your house, you know, Like the real world and he had to buy his own food and stuff, but another style could be let's sit down with a piece of paper and show you what a budget is like, those are two different styles, you know, that's
Tony:very true. And just real quick, going back to what you had mentioned, like, you know, what types of things that. We have to think about now as millennial parents that our previous generation of parents, you think about mental health and self esteem and like social media, like these are topics that we're going to have to navigate. Right. I mean, earlier than our parents and our parents never had to worry about social media with us like no, we never talked about that but now with my son like. We have to worry about it. Okay, you have to understand like social media is not your friend. Like you can't have your whole identity tied to social media because your self esteem is going to be like their self esteem. There's mental health. There's depression. There's anxiety. Those things are tied to the fact that we are so much more connected. So people feel like that is a huge part of the identity now. And I think that's gonna be a big thing that in the next 10 years is gonna be Huge thing that parents are going to have to buy. This is more important than tying your shoes.
Cov:Social media is so crazy because we grew up, I mean, we didn't have social media in high school, right? Well, I guess my space or
Tony:cause when I, when I say social media, I mean on your handheld phone, cause my space, you had totally,
Cov:totally, but
Tony:I'm just trying
Cov:to be historically accurate a little bit. We didn't have it. We really saw it happen. So when. And to generations, even under us, even more so because we were older. So when kids were really getting bullied or, or, you know, harming themselves, things like this, we were like in our twenties witnessing it. And it's to think the history of it, like this was the first time this thing was happening, this kind of thing was happening. And now I do think that younger kids are, that has been passed down that they're learning. They're not trying to be online or they're not trying to be visible online. So there's a lot of things to take from that. I'll actually be a witness to a lot of it. Cause I have a nephew who's turning 13. I mentioned before, so he's just getting at the age of where he might even have his own email account, his own phone and things. I got to check in and see where he's at with all that. But
Both:yeah,
Cov:so yeah, like you said, that's another thing. And it's like, How do we talk about it? I think that's really where the style is. How do you talk about it and finding out like, because we're such a freaking snarky generation, you know, we're so meta and we're so like, I know you are, but what am I, you know, everybody got like, sarcastic,
Tony:funny response to everything.
Cov:It hurts all the time. You can even, it's hard to just ask people questions. You'd be like, hello. They'd be like, hello. And you're like, like, what time is it? You don't got no watch. I'm asking, can I just get, so what I'm getting at is we have the snark, but where's the sincerity and when you deal with kids, it's like, you have to find a way to like break through and have sincere talks with them. And that's a whole nother style, you know, but sometimes you can be jokey. Some people are just naturally more jokey. That's a style, you know? And I think. Generations we grew up with, like you're talking about, you know, Your parents in the military is very much not only a my way or the highway, but like an intense, whether a yelling or a lecture that was really intense.
Both:Yeah.
Cov:And that's not, that's definitely a style that I do not want to, do not want to be doing with my kid. You know, I can, I can be somewhat intense talking to people or explaining something, but as I've become more aware of that, I definitely tone that tone that down and definitely don't want to be at her. Like, listen, when you go, Dude, the closet, you know, I mean, like, I want to be definitely more, more relaxed and more, you know, just like accepting or like more chill. What else can I do? More chill about it.
Tony:One thing we haven't even talked about is like, you know, discipline from like a spanking perspective. Like now, like, I mean, back in the eighties and seventies, like spanking was a very normal like thing that you saw all the time. Everybody got spanked. What was your experience with that?
Cov:If you well, I got spanked.
Tony:I mean, I, I was a good kid, but I, I, I got some spankings, like, you know, got the spoons. You know, the plastic spoons that, you know, I've been hit with, you know,
Cov:man, we got,
Tony:because I was, I did it, I was wrong. You know, it was my fault. But now, like, you can't wait. What does that mean? It wasn't your fault. I'm, I'm not trying to get my parents in trouble, I'm not trying. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. He got hit with spoons all the time. Yeah.
Cov:Fs your 40-year-old son on a podcast. Exactly. He stitch. He's coming with us. They're coming with us. We definitely got spank. We definitely got spankings too. Yeah. And we were, I was a good kid too, but it's kind of unavoidable. But we didn't get like weapons, but my dad was like almost my size. It's like, bro, bro, you know, but that's how that's, like you said, that's how it was then. And yeah, that's not something that's acceptable now. And
Both:no, really, you understand.
Cov:That's definitely one of the things that you mentioned earlier, where it's like, either trying to do what your parents did or the complete opposite. And a lot of people, some people still are like, I got spanked. What the funniest thing is when people like I got spanked, I turned out okay. I'm like, what is your therapist? Did your therapist say you turned
Both:out okay? Yeah,
Cov:because it doesn't sound like you did. That's definitely a thing I'm staying as far away from like as possible, you know.
Tony:It's not, I mean, it's nowhere close to socially acceptable. Like I, you know, when I was a kid, you know, I got spanked. Tapped on the hand in the grocery store or tapped on the butt or, you know, hit the back of the head. Just, no, don't touch that candy. You see, if you do that now, if somebody, if I saw somebody hit their kid in the back of the head now, I'm like, Oh, y'all, you about to get beat. Like, we report you. Like, you can't do that. So it's not that, like I said, as a, as a society, I think we've all turned away from that. Like, okay, we're going to keep our hands off the kids. Well. We can do verbal abuse, but we're not We realize
Cov:You dumb son of a Yeah, you dumb! You really just realize like It can keep you from doing something, but it's not, we're all so damaged mentally. That's why mental health is a big thing because most of us got whooped as kids and didn't learn how to express ourselves or just learn to repress things. And, you know, I've, I'm not in therapy right now, but recently I've been in therapy. I would go back when I get the chance, most likely, you know, and this is one of the reasons why. So, You know, each generation is trying to reduce the reasons that kids go into therapy. Exactly. And you know,
Tony:every kid after they got spanked, it didn't hurt that much. You know, it didn't really hurt. Like, it didn't even hurt that much. I'm good. I took it like a man. Like, no. Like, no, you need to talk this out. Let's talk about this. Let's get a hug.
Cov:So at a certain point, physically, it doesn't hurt that much.
Tony:Yeah. It's more of the, it's, it's, it's more of the, but it always, it always hurts emotional, like, Oh, I got beat. Like, okay, I can't do nothing about it. Yeah. Yeah.
Cov:Even if you're shaking it off, that just means you're detached emotionally. Exactly. So that's even maybe worse feeling bad about it. You
Tony:know, physical pain wears off for that, that emotional mental pain. Oh, that, that lasts forever. Yeah. That's why the whole, the whole psychology exists.
Cov:And I think when you get older, the ones that don't physically hurt, I mean, you're older, so your mind is better anyway. Those are the ones you remember anyway. You're like, that whoopin didn't even hurt, but why did I get a whoopin for that?
Tony:I wasn't, I wasn't even in the room. I didn't even go down there in that basement with them.
Cov:I should have gotten an apology for that.
Tony:I got, I got a list of times where I should, I should, Get apologies now for my parents. Like, okay. Yeah. I say, sorry. Yeah.
Cov:That punishment was not the crime. Yeah. That actually makes me think, and we'll talk about this next time about education, but like in school you get a grade and that's what you got on the test or whatever, but you really should be able to continue taking it until you get an A. Cause that's really how you learn is through making mistakes and then finding out the right answer. And same with like punishment. It's like, if you just punish me, then I, I'm not, I don't know that I'm really learning anything no matter how much you talk to me. It's like, we have to have like some physical action, some like world perspective to understand, you know?
Tony:That's true. Yeah. Again, teaching more than telling I think is that's a really good point. It's back to teaching. It is. I mean, and I think that's where a lot of parents, especially in our age, you know, the, the older millennials are, you're seeing more teaching as opposed to more telling, you know, I, I'm curious to see again, we have no idea what's going to happen, you know, to our kids in 20 years or how they're going to turn out, but It's gonna be very curious to see how all these things with social media, mental health, you know, lack of, you know, the physical you know, beatings for lack of a better term and how that's going to affect the next generation and if it's going to do better or if it's going to make them softer, like we don't know, but we can only do kind of what, what we feel is right in each situation and then try and then try to like, you know, again, have conversations like these with other parents and see like, I'm a sure thing. You're too.
Cov:What, what, what tougher or softer even means. And I think a legend gets older. We'll talk about that a lot. You know, especially him being a boy, not that it doesn't apply to girls, but we know it has a different meaning for boys, but I think we've done a lot today. It was a great, great talk.
Both:Oh yeah.
Cov:Kind of exploring styles and who we want to be, what we've been through and what it means to have a different style and to think about how you want to approach problems or successes even. That's another style. How do you want to celebrate your kid and your kids milestones? Something to think about parties doing something just with you too. Like you, you, you know, you and your son to celebrate, you know, there's a lot of different ways we can really even come back to this topic and unfolded a little more, but we are done for today.
Tony:Yeah. Like and subscribe everybody. And then send us, send us any topics you guys want to hear.
